A Beautiful Wrecking

Warning: This is a semi-long post. Grab your coffee or tea or whatever you like to drink and find a comfy spot (oh and your Bible!) before you start...I couldn't find a way to condense this one!

Religious.

I hate that word. I hate being called religious, but don't always have a quick response

to someone who asks me the question, "Are you religious?"

I know all the possible responses..."No, I have a relationship with Jesus" would work I suppose.

But if I really think about it, am I religious? And if not, what makes me not religious?

A few years ago (make that four, to be exact), I started feeling restless.

I would come home from work or have a day off, and in my spare time (mind you, this was well before getting married and having kids), would go wander the upscale mall nearby, or go out for lunch or an

afternoon drink with friends. I would get lost for hours watching, um, Lost (still love that show).

I did devotions in the morning, prayed, went to church and tithed religiously (sorry, had to throw the word in there). I wasn't doing anything technically wrong at this point; my party days were over

and I truly loved the lord and was doing my best to follow him.

But my restlessness grew and while I knew it was the Lord stirring my heart, I wasn't sure what he was stirring it toward.

Yet.

This might sound weird, but Isaiah 58 kept running through my head,

not the actual passage--I hadn't read it yet--but the reference.

Isaiah 58...Isaiah 58...Isaiah 58...

I ignored it, not stopping to think that maybe God put the reference in my head for me to actually look it up and read it!

The restlessness grew.

I joined a Bible study that was doing the book Interrupted, but couldn't make it very often,

so I stopped going altogether, but now I had another book to add to the collection.

One rainy day a couple of years later, I got that book out.

The content of that book seemed to resonate in me; it started to wake something up inside that was there to some level, but not at any level that God or I was satisfied with.

Here's the funny thing: I got to the last chapter of this book, and the author starts going on and on about ...yup, Isaiah 58. Dissecting it. I decided to open my Bible and read it.

I'm sure it was a good-grief moment for God...it only took years for me to read what he had quite obviously been whispering in my ear.

Just what is Isaiah 58?

Open your Bible and read it! God might turn you upside down too.

Couple this chapter with Matthew 25:31-46 and prepare to be wrecked.

Take these two chapters literally, as I do believe without a doubt they were written, 

and your perspective will be changed. 

Why do we (why did I) overlook these passages, or if we look at them, why do most of us take them lightly? We've all heard about helping the 'least of these', about feeding the hungry and the poor.

But we live in a society in which the majority of people truly believe that the homeless or the poor in America must have gotten themselves into the situation they're in, so 'why should I help them?'

At least that's the attitude I hear most often. I used to think along those lines..."If I give money to the man on the street with a sign, he'll probably just waste my money on beer or something."

First of all, it's not my money. It's God's. Second of all, there's so much more we can do besides throwing a dollar out the window to erase our uneasy feelings for the day.

In case you didn't read the above passages, here's part of Matthew 25:

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"

We are thus commanded to care for those in need. 

The greatest commandment, Jesus says, is to love God. 

Second to that is to love others as we love ourselves.

And loving others is actually one way that we show love to God.

Now, my personal conviction, my passion, the thing that pulls at my heartstrings, the thing that leaves me feeling like I'm doing the Lords will for my life, is helping the homeless, and for right now anyway,

I'm talking about the homeless here in our country. The ones in my own little town, where I honestly didn't think at first glance that there were any problems at all (well there are!)

My husband and I aren't exactly rolling in dough, as he is a school teacher and I am a stay-at-home-mom, but this doesn't create a hinderance to being able to help those in need.

I ask God for ideas and then I brainstorm and start writing and start moving and we find ways to serve the least of these. 

In no way am I trying to place my passion or my convictions on your head...

rather, I want to encourage you, reader (if you've actually read this far!), to pray and read through these passages and ask God to speak to your heart, to turn your world upside down for Him. 

Ask him to fan the flame of whatever it is that may be just a spark in your heart that you've been shoving aside or unsure of what to do with.

Maybe it's taking your little ones to the nursing home for visits (that would be modern day 'widows').

Maybe it's taking your clothes that you are tired of to a women's shelter instead of the thrift store.

Or keeping food in your car and feeding someone in need instead of driving on by trying not to make eye contact to avoid feeling bad (I'm guilty of this...don't think I'm preaching at you. This is a wake up for me too, as I easily go back to my old ways on feigned ignorance...ignorance is not bliss!)

Maybe your heart cries for sex trafficking victims all over the world (including the US)...check out Mercy Market Ministry and any number of others and get involved.

Maybe women who are victims of domestic violence make your heart cry.

Or is it other global issues like extreme poverty, lack of clean water, AIDS, children forced to fight in war...the list goes on and on.

If you think you, one little person in a ginormous world with ginormous problems, can't make a difference, think again. I find myself going back to that way of thinking, but read this quote from Beth Moore and be encouraged:

"Social consciousness beckons each of us across the board, but the ways we could respond are as varied as our holy passions. We are called to tend to the poor, but adjust your lens and see what specific opportunities make your heart jump...or maybe sink. Casting your bread upon an ocean doesn't seem to do much good, but find a clear pond and suddenly you see the fish."

There's so much more rattling around in my brain and there are a thousand rabbit trails I'm tempted to take, but I'll save them!

Back to my first statement, about hating the word religious.

Yes, I do things that are religious: prayer, church-going, Bible reading, tithing, taking communion, Bible study...these are all religious activities I suppose.

But being a Christian isn't just about these things we do. 

It's about relationships. First and foremost our relationship with the God of the universe, Jesus.

A real relationship...one where we talk and listen and just spend time together.

Next is our relationship with others, the family of believers, and our neighbor, meaning everyone we come into contact with! Being a Christian is about walking out LOVE every single day.

Being intentional about loving others more than we love ourselves. Making love a beautiful habit in our lives.

Love is the light that will overcome a dark world.

Christ died for me. Showing love to everyone around me, including and especially the 'least of these' is the least I can do to show my gratitude for his unspeakable gift to me. 

One last thing before I curtail this...

James 1:27 says this:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Orphans and widows is skimming the surface. 

Don't be religious. Be in the world but not of the world. Love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. Take care of the least of these. Find your passion and run with it. Step out in faith and out of your comfort zone and see what God does. He will change you as you take small steps in obedience. I know he's changing me, and it's the most comfortable kind of uncomfortable I've ever known! Let him beautifully wreck your heart:)

An Instagrammed Christmas:)

                                                                   I know, I'm an Instagram nerd to the max. I love it too much.

I can't believe Christmas is come and gone...days gone! This has been the fastest week...

So fast that today, until 7 o'clock this evening, I thought it was Thursday. It's not, I found out.

Today is Friday (in case you were confused as well!)

When Brad gets time off like this (he's a teacher), I tend to lose track of days, and this week was worse I guess, just being out of town and what not. Days didn't really matter.

Ok, I'm rambling. I actually want to go to bed, but wanted to post a few pictures before Christmas is so far gone that they seem irrelevant!

Here is my 'Instagram Christmas' :)

Funny story about this last picture.

Addison has an affinity for pushing anything that is not anchored to the ground. She pushes chairs, boxes, Lily's swing, laundry baskets, toys...you name it, she's probably pushed it around our house for hours. It's cute, but sometimes the things she chooses to push leave little scratches in the floor, and since we rent, I thought it would be a good idea to get her something with wheels that wouldn't do damage to the floor and she could push until her heart's content. My parents actually got her this stroller, and as the picture shows...our plan failed. I found her pushing the laundry basket, with the stroller in it. Oh well!

Hope you had a lovely Christmas!

Twas The Week Before Christmas

Happy one month to Lily Grace last week!

This last week has been a whirlwind...

My in-laws were here from TN, I was doing last minute Christmas shopping, putting together Christmas cards, feeding a newborn every hour and a half while trying to be sure to spend quality time with Addison, and finishing up several large projects, both of which had to be done by yesterday.

I know, my life is no busier than yours. Probably less busy than many of you. Maybe you are laughing at me right now. Never the less, I've so wanted to blog, and had inspiration several times over the past week, but just couldn't fit it in.

Right now it's just after 6 am. The little one wouldn't go to sleep last night...I think maybe around one did I finally get to bed, and was up again at five this morning to feed her.

I should have gone back to bed, but I drank coffee so here I am:)

This year, I swore I wouldn't get 'caught up' in the madness that seems to come with Christmas every year. I wanted to focus on what's important and not get stressed.

Is that possible? I don't know anymore.

I found myself the week before Christmas feeling frazzled as always, scrambling to get shopping done,

making impossible to-do lists each day, and putting unreasonable pressure on myself to be super-woman, figuring if I cut out some sleep, I could get it all done.

Then, I was stalking an old classmate on facebook page (don't act so shocked...you know you do it too), and came across a quote that seriously changed the past few days for me.

I thought I'd share it with you.

Hopefully it will help you too, as we are all a bit stressed in the days leading up to Christmas.

No matter how good my intentions are (focusing on why we celebrate Christmas in the first place, not allowing stress and business to creep in and overwhelm the former), I generally get sucked in like most of the rest of the world. If you find yourself in the same boat, read on and let the words sink in.

Then live it out the next few days as you allow your thoughts to center the greatest gift you've ever received...God's gift to us, his Son, and the real 'reason for the season', to be cliche:)

"There is always enough time to do the will of God. For that we can never say, 'I don't have time.' When we find ourselves frantic and frustrated, harried and harrassed and 'hassled,' it is a sign we are running on our own schedule, not on God's...'My burden is light,' Jesus said. It is the addition of burdens God never meant us to carry that weighs us down." ~ Elizabeth Elliot

Have a happy, blessed, stress-free weekend!

Here's our past week in photos:)

Family pictures in the cold...had to make it quick!




Grandma visiting from TN gets to meet her new grand baby:)

Cuddle time with my babies:)



Daddy and his girls



Nap time for this one!



This, is a life saver! Lily loves it and I get to get things done!
Don't know how I managed without this when Addison was
an infant. It's the greatest thing ever!!!

Mourning with those who mourn...

As I sat yesterday, trying desperately but unable to process everything that happened in CT, I called my dad and tried to whole-heartedly wish him happy birthday and congratulate him for graduating from the academy he had just finished...what should have been a great day for him was shattered by the devastating news. I'm sure that's how most of the country felt...

 People everywhere going about their business, and then hit with this, like a blow to the stomach.

What my dad said resonated in me: It can't be called a tragedy. It's so far beyond that, there aren't words to convey what played out yesterday morning.

I am heartsick. Each time I think about it, I tear up again.

I'm so glad my babies are just babies and didn't notice their mom crying throughout the day as I kept going back to the television, watching in horror as details unfolded.

I don't think the sheer magnitude of how horrifying this truly is would have sunk in as deep, were I not a parent. There are a lot of things I didn't fully understand until the moment I held my first baby in my arms. Being able to feel another mother's pain when she loses a child is one of them. 

I haven't been there, but now that I have kids, I truly mourn with all these mommies who just lost their little ones.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess yesterday. They still are.

I tried to pray yesterday, and as I prayed for the families of the innocent children, I found myself questioning God. Do I have the right to do that? Not at all. None the less, my mind is full of questions.

How can it not be?

I'm not angry towards God. Some people would say everything that happens is God's will.

I don't believe that. It was not his will that 20 beautiful little children die at the hands of a senseless man. It just wasn't.

Here's what I struggle with right now. I have a hard time explaining this, but maybe someone out there feels the same way and will understand...

I live across the country, I don't know anyone personally that this affected. 

But my spirit is crushed over it. 

I found myself feeling guilty yesterday that I was working on our Christmas cards. 

I wanted to listen to holiday music while cooking, but felt like that would make me happy, which would also make me feel guilty. 

I felt shallow and silly that yesterday morning, probably while the shooting was happening, I was writing a post about hot chocolate. 

I waited until late last night to call my dad to say happy birthday, because yesterday by all accounts was certainly not happy, no matter whose birthday it was.

So how do I separate what has happened from what is currently happening here, now, in my home, in my family, etc?

Is it possible to mourn with those who mourn, as Romans 12:15 says, and still enjoy what's going on around me? 

How do I fully enjoy celebrating Christmas with my in-laws this weekend without thinking of all the moms and dads who won't be celebrating this year, but just trying to survive?

How do you get past something like this? 

I'm not asking how do you forget it...it's something etched in my mind forever. But how do you keep life moving while mourning with these families?

I'm not sure, but I have to try.

I pray that for those who don't know Christ and just lost a child/husband/wife/mom/dad/grandchild/friend/etc...that they would be desperate and turn to him in their time of grief. That someone would pray with them and they would be able to receive the comfort that can only be found in Jesus at a time like this.

For those who already believe in Jesus and just lost a loved one, I pray they are able to cling to him like never before. That they wouldn't be angry with God, but thankful that he is forever a loving father who is the ultimate comforter in times of trouble.

And I pray for myself and my brothers and sisters in Christ...that as we continue on in our busy lives, because life must go on, that we wouldn't forget to pray. Not just for a couple of days and then forget in the midst of our holiday festivities, but that we would remember to keep these people in our prayers in the following months. That we would 'mourn with those who mourn.'

James 5:16 says "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Hold on to that promise and remember to keep praying for comfort in their loss.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." 

Psalm 147:3

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles..." 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

Psalm 34:18

Learning to 'let it go'

I have a small confession to make...it's something I don't love about myself, but it's part of who I am none the less.

I'm one of those irritating hyper-organized people, at least when it comes to my house.

A habitual clutter-cleaner-upper.

I have a place for everything...a closet, a shelf, a drawer, a hook...everything belongs somewhere!

Being single, it was easy to keep things in the order I liked. I mean really, how hard is it to pick up after yourself and no one else? Then I got married, and fortunately to a pretty neat and tidy man, but I still had to let go of some things...like the sweaty gym clothes he likes to hang to dry in random places throughout the house. 

Then... I had a baby, who is now a toddler, who likes to get every toy out at once, as well as everything out of the tupperware cabinet, plus anything else she can and isn't supposed to reach and manages to get into. Still, I found it pretty easy to clean up after her as she went about her toddler business. I was totally used to that.

Then...I had another baby a few weeks ago. I didn't think this would make a huge difference, but oh how I had forgotten about all the baby 'stuff'!

In addition to all the toys, tupperware, sippy cups, books, and baby dolls, is now spit-up rags, blankets, bouncer, boppy...if you have ever had a baby, you know what I'm talking about.

My house is definitely not perfectly kept these days, which has been bothering me a lot.

Today, I let it all go.

Mentally.

I had an epiphany of sorts as I watched Addison running around acting silly.

I realized all the 'stuff' that was out and the fact that the house was kind of a mess was all evidence of a happy, healthy family.

Brad was working on a project which had taken over quite a bit of space, Addison was playing and happy, and I was intermittently feeding and just holding Lily, while being entertained by Addison's oh- so-hilarious toddler antics.

I realized (this is a duh statement), the 'living room' is just that...a living room.

So what if there's stuff everywhere? It's stuff that's being used, whether for practical, productive purposes, or just for plain fun.

How much less stressed I was today as I made a conscious decision that letting Addison be a kid and make messes is way more important than is keeping up to my own unreasonable standard of neatness.

How much happier a home today when I made a conscious decision not to nag my husband about his things being everywhere, and just let him live. (And guess what, he cleaned everything up when he was done without me nagging him to. Imagine that!)

Something crazy happened: I had a fabulous day amidst the mess. Who knew that was possible?

Now Addison is in bed, Lily is sleeping beside me, Christmas music is playing, I'm writing...and the house was put back together in a matter of minutes.

Ready for a new day of living in it tomorrow.

I remember my aunt telling me long ago, I'd have to 'let it go' once I had kids, referring to my love for a perfectly kept house.

I realize what she meant now.

The people are more important than the place.

If I'm so worried about the place, my attention is focused on inanimate things, rather than my husband and babies. It's not even a question to me which comes first! (Sorry, house, it's not you anymore. You'll still get cleaned, but not quite so obsessively anymore. It's just for a season. I hope you understand!)

I realized today, I can still have an organized, clean house. Even a tidy house.

But it doesn't have to be perfect all the time.

And I'm happy with that.

I'm sure my family will be too:)

The Past Week

I must say, I admire you bloggers out there who have multiple kids and find time to blog regularly.

I'm only two weeks in and in the rare instance that both babies are asleep, you better bet I'm napping as well! Life is good though. Tired as I may be, I've never been happier.

The moments where both girls are snuggling with me are the greatest.

A close second came today when I was feeding Lily, and Addison crawled up next to us with a book for me to read. So far she's been jealous when I'm feeding Lily, so today was a good step I thought!

Anyway, I'm too tired right now to write much, but I wanted to share the best pictures from the past week...

Addison loves tickling Lily's feet...so far Lily doesn't seem to mind too much:)

Christmas Tree Cutting! Brad And Addison hiked in to find a tree
 while I stayed in the car with Lily.

Speaking of being tired...we've had our tree set up for three days now and tonight we were going to decorate no matter what...but here we are, headed to bed. Tomorrow night it is!