Unplugging

I'm unplugging for at least a week.

Even as I write this, I'm unsure if I really want to, which is probably a good sign that I need to!

Not from my phone or the internet completely, but from just a couple of specific things that are taking up too much precious time, and more importantly, too much space in my brain.

I've learned by now in my Christian walk that it's normal to have spiritual highs and lows.

And I've learned that just because I'm feeling spiritually 'blah' sometimes doesn't mean I'm not saved!

It's just a season, and generally I come out of it having learned something and grown in some way or another. But that doesn't mean I like those seasons, and it doesn't mean I don't fight to get out of the

blah-ness. In fact, I think we have to fight to get out, not just sit back and wait it out.

I'm in one of those seasons right now.

Not that the reason really matters, but for the sake of making excuses, here are mine!

Late pregnancy 'made' my mind pre-occupied all the time; I was always uncomfortable, nervous about labor, and constantly thinking about the baby that was coming soon and how different life would be and what she would be like, etc. I figured I would get my mind back and in control once she was born, but ah, how easy I had forgotten!

Now, my mind is just plain tired all the time.

Whereas I usually read my Bible and pray early in the morning, now I wake up and feed Lily early in the morning, and struggle to stay awake after that. A quick nap on the couch before Addison is up is becoming par for the course (and quite enjoyable if I may say so!)

This all ties in with unplugging, I promise. Here goes.

I manage to spend a ridiculous amount of time on facebook, which isn't bad in and of itself, but it's become unhealthy for me and my prayer life and my thought life. I'm not quitting facebook; I'll still look when I have a message, since I use fb more so than e-mail. But I'm taking a break from checking status updates. I love checking status updates! If only there was a way to filter and just read close friends and family updates to keep up with them, that would be great, but I end up scrolling through updates of people I barely know, and long story short, it's taking up too much brain space with things like what a girl I knew eight years ago had for a snack today.

Having a new baby means lots of time sitting and feeding, which is perfect time for praying or reading or listening to something worthwhile, but often I find myself reading meaningless status updates of random people. Enough is enough! I'm taking a break to get my thoughts centered on God again.

We are told in Matthew 6:33 to seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness...I haven't been doing that. I have a brain that is focused on too many other things.

And the less I focus on God (a result of too much internet), the more I focus on myself, and my inherently selfish nature takes over and I start spending enormous disgusting amounts of time thinking about my clothes and hair (mostly the things I hate about both), what color I should paint my toenails, what cute clothes so and so had on today, how much skinnier she is than me...you get the picture.

When I stop focusing on the Lord, I become lose sight of the important things:

Being the wife and mom I'm called to be.

Finding ways to love my neighbors.

Praying for all the people I've said "I'll be praying for you" to.

I could go on and on.

So for the next week, I'm not looking at status updates, I'm not browsing pinterest, and my phone will be used for the Bible app and pandora...oh yeah and talking, like phones were originally intended!

Answered Prayers and Thanksgiving Tidbits

I haven't had time to write since Lily was born on Sunday, but before too much time passes and life gets back into a routine again, I wanted to be sure I post about some amazing prayers answered.

Sometimes time has a way of diminishing the significance of amazing events, and I want to be able to look back and read this and continue to be in awe of God and his amazing love and kindness to us.

First, I want to admit, after the fact, that I have spent the last 9 months in fear of the moment I would go into labor with Lily.

I was afraid of the pain, really afraid. My first labor and birth were brutal and I didn't think I could go through it again. Because of last time, I was a thousand times more afraid going in the second time around.

I was afraid of leaving Addison. Not that anything would happen to her, but that she would be so sad that her dad and I weren't here for a couple of days and think we abandoned her. I haven't left her overnight before, so I was really nervous about that.

I was afraid of complications and even dying giving birth and leaving my little ones without a mom.

I know, that's not even a rational fear, but it was in the back of my mind anyway.

A lot of people were praying for me to have a way different experience this time, that everything would be much quicker and smoother than with Addison.

Let me tell you...it was amazing!!

Labor was exactly half as long. 15 or so hours total, as opposed to 31 hours.

I was better prepared as was Brad, and we were able to work together as a team to get through contractions for the first 8 hours.

I decided to get an epidural, which I hadn't planned on (my next post will be about this!),

and I'm so glad I did. I hadn't slept in a few nights, and we went to the hospital at midnight, so it was the forth night in a row without sleep. Getting the epidural allowed me to get some rest before delivery. I got the minimum amount of medicine in the drip, so I could still feel some pain with contractions, which I wanted. I don't like going completely numb...it makes me feel like I'm not in control. This was just enough. (And when I found out she was almost 10 lbs, I was sooo happy I had made that decision!!)

Delivery was cake...or as close to cake as delivering a baby can be! 10 minutes (not 3 hours!!) and she was born!

There were things that could have and very well should have caused complications, but Lily was in perfect health, not a single thing wrong.

 Recovery has been much easier, the pain less...I really can't say enough. My whole outlook is so different that whereas before, I was thinking I didn't want anymore kids (even though we both really want more), now I feel like I could definitely do it again.

God answered those prayers not just a little bit, but in an extreme way!

Feedings are going so good, another thing that was incredibly hard last time.

And this baby is so mellow so far...we had been praying not to have to deal with colic again.

I just feel so amazingly blessed in so many ways, and I don't want to forget all the Lord has done for us this week. How he has answered so many prayers so specifically. It is truly amazing, evidence that prayer does work, and a reminder to me of his great love for me.

Today is a different Thanksgiving than usual for us.

Some family is out of town, others are sick, so we just decided to have it be the four of us.

Although I miss being around all the family today, it has been wonderfully relaxing and I definitely needed the rest. I felt so much peace today as Brad cooked, Addison danced to all the songs on the TV as we watched the parade, and I laid on the couch with the little one.

We are a family of four. No longer would it feel complete to have only three of us.

I'm so thankful for my growing family. Thankful for our health. Thankful for the little moments that bring so much joy and make us laugh. I don't want to take a single moment for granted, but soak it up!

Last but not least, I'm thankful for the spread my hubby made completely by himself today...the works!

And he's putting everything on the table now, so Happy Thanksgiving everyone!:)

Lily Grace

Lily Grace Knox, born 11-18-2012 at 11:07a.m.

9 lbs, 8 oz, 21.5 in

I was secretly hoping for a curly (like me) redhead (like Brad) baby, but I figured the chances were slim, so I was so happily surprised to see she has both! And big beautiful blue eyes:)

Big chubby cheeks...can't stop kissing them!

And just like that...we're a family of 4

I love this picture...Addison looks so skeptical and a bit stand-offish 

Daddy and new baby. Wish it wasn't so fuzzy!

My girls:)

Just home from the hospital. I don't think Addison had realized she was actually going to come home with us. I don't think she was too excited here..

One happy mama!

Due date is here!!...and passed. Another late one.

Well, Lily Grace is officially late. Her due date was Sunday, and today is Tuesday.

I'm trying not to think about it too much. I'll be the first one to tell my overdue pregnant friends, "He/She will come at exactly the right time! God is in control!" You know, all the comforting nice things to say (which I actually believe, I'm really not being fake to them!)

BUT, when it comes to me going over my due date...whole different story! Ridiculous I know.

Anyhow, trying to stay busy this week and not stress. It's hard.

I honestly think if I had been more active this last week, maybe it would've sped things up, but with 20 inches of snow and the frigid temperatures we've had, I've spent a lot more time inside the house than usual. I thought about bundling up and going for a walk, but it's so icy everywhere, I thought falling and having my water break probably wasn't the very best idea (although the thought of anything breaking my water is worth considering, right?)
Today was a bit nicer outside. My mom was here for the morning, so we went out to run a few errands and I tried to get as much walking in as possible. Still, nothing.
I'm going to go walk on the treadmill this afternoon while Brad teaches his fitness class and Addison plays in the nursery at the gym, which she loves!
Maybe she's just not ready yet, but I will do my part to make it happen if she's close!
I'm dying to see what she looks like. Will she have a full head of brown hair like Addison did? Or will we get a little redhead? (Hoping for Brad's 'red' genes to appear in at least one!) Will they look like sisters, or will they look totally different from each other?
I want to meet her so bad!
On a side note, I bought Addison a cute little baby doll today, thinking that when we come home with Lily, we'll bring Addison her very own special baby to take care of. Maybe she's too young, I'm not sure, but I figured anything is worth trying in helping her not be sad and jealous that our attention has to be shared by another baby.
I know she's only 16 months old and will adjust fast; in a few weeks, she probably won't remember ever being without a sister! But still, I want it to be as easy a transition for her as possible.
Here's a not-so-great self pic of me on my due date...

Last week, my midwife measured and thought Lily would be pretty average sized...around 7 or 7 1/2 lbs. By yesterday's appointment, my belly had grown so much that in five short days, she estimated well over 8 lbs. Yet another reason to pray she comes soon!
 I reeeeeally don't want to deliver a 10 lb baby!!!

Here's to hoping my next post is full of hospital pictures...soon!:)

A Thankful Heart

Well I hate to be cliche and only talk about thankfulness in November, and the truth is, I've been extra thankful the past couple of years, not just at Thanksgiving when it's obviously on everyone's mind.

However, I was thinking about it a little bit more than usual, what with all the 'I'm thankful' facebook posts and blog posts going around, and decided it would be appropriate and fun to take a little extra time thinking about and writing about some of the things I'm extra thankful for this year.

Some are obvious.

Obvious does not take away significance however.

I cannot overstate how thankful I am for my husband and how much he loves me and Addison, and how hard he works to take care of us and provide for us so that I can stay home and be with her.

As I write, the temperature is dropping fast, it's snowing (has been for 36 hours now), and there's 17 inches of snow outside. He's outside unburying our car in case I go into labor soon, and shoveling the sidewalk and steps. This is round two, as he got up 45 minutes early today to do the same this morning before work, just to make sure I'd be okay if I needed to leave.

I'm so thankful for the heart God's given him.

Thankful for how amazing of a dad he is and how much love he has for Addison and Lily.

And thankful that as much as he loves me, he loves Jesus more.

I'm so thankful for our baby girls...silly, adorable Addison, and little Lily, who we have yet to meet. I can't imagine loving another one like I love Addison, but I know I will.
The past couple of months, I've heard some heartbreaking stories of babies/kids in the community, as well as stories of sick children of acquaintances of mine from high school and what not.
I don't take one second with Addison for granted. I know full well that she's a gift from God, and I'm so incredibly thankful for her health and well-being.
I don't want to live in fear of something happening to her, but I don't want to take for granted the fact that she is in perfect health either.
Health aside, I'm so thankful for her laugh! As Brad was putting her to bed last night, he had her laughing one of those deep belly laughs, and I swear, it is my favorite sound in the entire world! Either one of us would be perfectly willing to make a fool of ourself just to hear that laugh for one second!!:)

As I look outside, even though I'm not a huge fan of cold and snow, I am able to see beauty in it.

There's a quietness, a peace that comes with it. The mountains are beautiful. The huge snowflakes are the pretty kind that you hope for on Christmas morning.

But as I sit in my warm living room with a blanket, sweats and cozy wool socks, smelling dinner from the crockpot ready to go when Brad comes in, I can't help but think that to some, there is no beauty in this. Only hopelessness. There are some, in my own small city, who have no where to go tonight. No bed, much less a heater, hot food, and a couch to curl up on while watching a movie on this snowy evening. There are those out there who dread the snow and are desperate tonight.

And I want to do something so badly, my heart aches.

We do what we think is a lot for those less fortunate, but sometimes it seems like it doesn't make a dent.

And on a night like tonight, it doesn't seem like much of anything.

I have to remember the importance of prayer and that God will hear my prayers.

Still, I wish I knew of something I could do right now.

I'm thankful for things that seem small, that I easily forget to be thankful for.

A bed. Furniture. Dinner. A car. Enough clothes that I have a hard time making a decision sometimes(and still, I manage to complain that I have nothing to wear). Warm boots. This computer. A phone. So many things that I think very little of, but others would be so grateful to have.

As I write, I think of some other things, but I'll save those for another day:)

Snowed In...Waiting...

Today it was supposed to snow 1-3 inches.

So far, we have around 10. And it's not supposed to let up for the next 24 hours!

We had a fun albeit long day in the house today.

I wanted to take Addison out to play in the snow, but she's been fighting a cold, so I decided that wasn't the best idea. Instead, we lit some holiday Yankee candles, listened to Christmas music (just a little...normally I hate it this early, but it seemed like a good day for it!), made muffins, read lots of books, and made the most of being snowed in.

By Saturday morning we will have between 1 and 2 feet. That's a lot, compared to what I'm used to!!!

We braved the icy roads to get groceries...and to get out of the house for a few minutes!

On another note...

I'm due in 3 days, but my midwife thinks I'll be early, which means I keep expecting to go into labor at any second, and it's hard not to be a tad bit disappointed each night when I go to bed, another day passed and nothing's happened. They should never tell you they think you'll be early! It just messes with your mind! I really do feel like she's coming though. I would be surprised if not tomorrow, just the way I''m feeling. But what do I know, really!

I think I'm finally mentally ready. A friend of mine made a good statement the other day.

She said she thinks God lets us get so incredibly uncomfortable the last week or so of being pregnant, that we stop being anxious/fearful about labor because we just want the baby out! So true.

No complaints whatsoever, but I will say I'm definitely at the point where I'll be soooo glad not to be pregnant! 9 months...that's quite a long time we women endure per child!:)

So, I'll keep waiting...

Random

This blog is becoming somewhat of a journal of our day to day life around here.

I find myself taking pictures of things I want to post because I don't want to forget the moment.

I often have much on my heart to write about, but find myself with only ten minutes to post, which means lately lots of pictures and tidbits that may seem mundane at first glance,

but to me, it's simple, sweet little pieces of life that I want to cherish as life speeds along.

Anyway...the picture on top is the sunrise my hubby texted me a picture of when he got to school one day this past week. So beautiful!

Sunrises and sunsets when you can see the sun's rays like this make me think of God and how he IS light.

Here are a few silly pictures from around the house.

It's amazing how a one-year-old can find joy in such random, ordinary things.

I watch Addison play and wish I could freeze her innocence forever.

She has not a care in the world. In her mind, it's as simple as being loved by mommy and daddy, and playing ALL DAY. Food, sleep, love, and play are all she needs to be totally content.

How much more complex life gets as we grow, sadly!

She loves putting things on her head:)

I want to talk about a place we frequent waaaay too often by most people's standards.

I'll give you a clue: Brad likes going, especially on the weekends, for the samples.

You got it...Costco!

It's really sad how often we go there. I feel like normal people go once a month and get a bunch of stuff and don't return for awhile...isn't that part of the point of buying in bulk? You don't have to keep going back? Apparently not. 

And since only my picture is on the membership card, sadly I have to go with.

Ok ok, I admit, sometimes I have fun. It is what you make of it, right?

Well, I can't believe I actually took pictures today, but I did. Yes, pictures at Costco. Sad? Maybe so, but I couldn't resist, and you'll see why;)

As always, Brad got his fill of samples (I've been in trouble a time or two for "not playing the game"...meaning I turned down a sample that I didn't particularly care for. I now know that I should always take a sample and give it to him if I don't want it. What was I thinking?)

But the real fun came when Brad took Addison to the toy aisle, which is overloaded, what with Christmas approaching. Take a look...

She had so much fun. I felt like it was kind of a tease, since we didn't actually buy the giant teddy bear or the rocking horse (which I must say is pretty awesome, not your ordinary rocking horse!). But she really doesn't care at this age. Maybe she'll get the horse for Christmas. The bear would take up half a room! But she laughed and thought it was the greatest, so it made our day!

My personal highlight?

Being the nice mom/wife that I am, I got pumpkin pie cheesecake samples for Brad, Addison, and myself.....and promptly ate all three of them. I could blame it on pregnancy, but that would be lying. I would have done it any old day. SO. GOOD.
Hope your day has been just as spectacular...it's the little things that count sometimes!

Encouragement

Happy November!

Time is flying by!

I just wanted to share one of the nicest things ever.

Brad knows I've been a bit nervous as Lily's due date approaches.

I mentioned in an earlier post that we took a class with a doula a few weeks ago, and that helped ease some of my fears. But it hasn't completely calmed me.

I'm not afraid, but my mind seems to be consumed with anxious thoughts of impending labor. I have butterflies (not the happy first-kiss ever type of butterflies!) whenever I think about it.
Am I alone in this? Or does anyone else get this way as the expected day gets close?

I'm also anxious about leaving Addison--not because I don't trust whoever we leave with her--I've just never been away from her overnight and I don't want her to wonder where we are and be sad!

Well anyway, Brad doesn't really understand (as he's told me several times), however, he did something so thoughtful to help put my mind at peace, I just thought I'd share.

He found a bunch of encouraging verses and printed them out and taped them all around the house in places I'd be sure to see them throughout the day...mirrors, inside the bathroom cabinet,

on the front door, the microwave, the fridge, etc.

I have a sweet husband!

Maybe you'll find encouragement for your day or peace in something you're going through from these verses as well:)

Have a great Thursday!!